a long tense moment

so an e-mail from jim saying that the film has arrived exactly a month after i ordered it from freestyle. he won’t tell me the duties and taxes charged, if there is any, but does mention that the exterior box is in bad shape.

playing e-mail tag – i was at school – i ask on the film boxes themselves. all 30 are fine but 6 have their seals broken.

“customs? terrorists?”

panic. has the film been exposed how can i tell from more than 2000 miles away? what i don’t need is to arrive and find that i am six boxes short and on top of that have to await their arrival from the states. think of the five i have at home. plan my strategy when i arrive. use those boxes first to see if they are fine. if not order immediately from freestyle hoping that they will arrive before i leave and run out. my serenity is shattered.

e-mail back asking jim if all the seals are broken, if so open one box and see if the interior bag is sealed.

while i await his reply, i phone freestyle to let them know and make sure that they know that i am 2000 miles from the package and i won’t see it until mid july so if there is a problem, they will be forewarned. the person on the other end assures me that he has noted my concern and if there is a problem, it will be rectified.

jim emails back to say that the interior bags are still sealed and he will place them in his basement where it is cool.

linger nagging doubt the debt piling up from this grand experiment is manageable right now but if i have to buy more film or even place my fate in the hands of the u.s postal system and canada post i know that am doomed. when i had this order shipped to wordplay the order taker wasn’t sure of the postal abbreviation for newfoundland and labrador.

this came when i had arrived at the realisation that this endeavour will be a one off project. thinking back on last summer, i realised that i had the perfect manner of working - medium format and a lot of film, it allowed me a great deal of mobility.

thought back to the little hike in bell island where i left the car unlocked and a hasselblad in full view as i went traipsing off to see a mini bird sanctuary or the walk up the tolt of butter pot park.

remember the irish loop trip when i saw the hogs in trepassey and the kids in st. vincent’s and wondered if that will be possible this time - of course not.

the working method this time will be slower and more deliberate. the slowness won’t be a problem as the near constant state of rush that i have been in for the last eight months will be out of my system, i look forward to having plenty of time to do what i need. days seem longer and less frantic – well once i find a place to act as a west coast duke of duckworth.

more deliberate will be the problem, my tendency is to make quite a few photographs subtly reframing the image then looking at the proofs to determine the best formal arrangement. i seem to be incapable of doing this while looking through the camera. there either seems to be too many things that i miss or i cannot decide whether i want that pole to line up with this clothes line or that building façade.

i don’t need anything to crack my resolve right now. while the film is there, there is still a chance to change my mind and play it safe.

i am continuing with the grand experiment in working and my fostering of slow photography. i want to see if i am correct about my preferred working method. i want to see how my mobility is effected, i do want to complete everything while on the residency, i want to make book and i don’t want to be trapped in a darkroom with the ocean and the park right there – i don’t care how late at night it is. late night in pouch is a favourite time the sound of the waves mixed with the lights of the few cars ascending and descending the main road. i am looking forward to the gulf of st. lawrence equivalent.