if only

I’d stop the machine, what I wanted to photograph wasn’t going anywhere so I’d take out ‘Bira, take an exposure reading and then make the exposure. This would happen any time that I was around the bay, I’d leave Zequinho in the machine and head out to photograph the cabins, roadside monuments etc with ‘Bira as there was no reason to rush.

I could have made them with Zequinho but it is more art like to make them with a camera that yells consideration.

If only. I started to develop the film to-day – 280 rolls - and found that Ubirajara has a light leak. Not everything is ruined it depends on how long I wandered with it and how long between exposures but the snaps that would have been categorised under
“…(dot dot dot)” for their isolation doesn’t look good. There is a fog over half of the negative I am guessing coming from the place where the dark slide is inserted in the magazine – halfway through the stay I wondered about this but since I had taken and ‘Bira in the winter and saw no problems and frankly I had other worries – general film abuse, exposure, security…- the rolls that went through Zequinho are fine.

I chalk this up to being “homeless” this time. In 2005 in Woody Point and this winter in Sullivan’s Loop when I had a place of my own, this wouldn’t have happened. As soon as I developed the film there, the camera would have been put away. I knew that I missed a place of my own – meaning where I feel like it is my own and for this I thank Martin and Gabrielle – for quiet time but I didn’t think about this.

If only.

I did bring developer in case there was a chance.

If only I didn’t try to act like an artist and stuck to Zequinho which suits what I do 99% of the time. In the images where ‘Bira was used where the edges fell wasn’t all that critical – in the barrens a couple of centimetres of extra empty space isn’t all that important.

In St. John’s I used Zequinho and thus the townie pictures should be fine.

The great irony is that it isn’t – or wouldn’t be a big deal – what I photographed wasn’t going anywhere, while it would be a hassle – bad pun – it could always go back and do them over.

Except now when I am thousands of kilometres away.

Now I worry, the trip down the Burin, the outing up Bonavista Bay, what did I used.

Again without this confession no one would know I made enough with Zequinho to have the time be useful. I do fear, however, that the tenuousness of habitation on the land was made with ‘Bira.

Developed a tenth of what I made, I am bracing myself for what is to come and think/hope that I can rectify the problem next time…