morning wander

so finally the chores are done and i can head out and gawk. one has the luxury of a leisurely breakfast - well i do anyway - as i have to wait for the sun to show. at the gallery i was a frustrated as being so close to the water and not really being able to get to it. so a morning walk to øresund through this new danish utopia land built behind the tuborg building.

i was particularly anxious to be out and about as sundays are special days and even more so in countries that keep shops closed on the day. fewer people about, streets empty, machines not blocking façades that i want to photograph etc. i wanted to head back into copenhagen but also wanted to photograph around hellerup. the nice aspect of cities that are so intensely local are the displays they tend to be junked with more things in the window. also with places with fewer multinationals have more personalised eateries. it is a blessing when mcdonalds deems you not worthy of having one of their chains and starbucks confines itself to the airport.

the plan was to walk down to the water see if i could see sweden, on the way i would photograph the tuborg sign in the predawn, then head back. naturally this didn’t happen as i just wanted to see what was “over there”. the only other people out were two lads who were jumping up and down on a bridge trying to make self portraits while in mid air.

the water front was a disappointment. it wasn’t the symmetrical placement of the blocks of flats but more how inaccessible the water was. beyond tuborg boulevard, private houses had blocked access to the water.

decided to walk the neighbourhood turning whenever possible to the water. when a street ended at water’s edge i was allowed access and there was this nice feel as a bench would be placed just off the beach - read rocks.

a lot of things one has to get used to in a foreign land, at first it was the smell of smoke again. it seems that people smoke in places were even countries as backwards as the states have forbidden and while there are many no smoking signs in public areas there are still interior spaces where one can. here it is at the level that north america was say a decade ago.

the hazard with walking is dog shit. it is everywhere. i spent as much time looking down as gawking. this is exacerbated by the narrow pavements where at times barely two people can pass without going into the bike lane.

nevertheless i followed the water at a distance until i reckoned it would be time to eat and when a park with a rowing club and tennis courts would be a nice place to decide in earnest to head back.

was working with the symmetrical - well pruned trees down a boulevard - instead of some sort of nordic formal. every once in a while an object left would be photographed, towels from a recently ended sporting event or the cleaning of a skull. walks have become more about multitasking than i would like as i am also on the prowl for wi-fi spot.

det genfundne land-berlingske - 9.01. 2009

the berlingske - 9.01. 2009 said...
det genfundne land die nye galleri, b&k projects, der ligger på marievej 1 hellerup, viser fra i morgan en udstilling med billeder af robert clarke-davis. gennem nogle år har den americankanske kunstner rejst rundt i new foundland of fotograferet de landskaber, han er kommet igennem, med en tilsyndeladende særlig opmærksomhed over for menneskeforladte områder og kulisser, vi bevæger sig rundt i. det er blevet til mytologiske billeder båret af en intens americana-stemning, som man kan møde den romaner, film og musik, en rigtig road movie bestående af fotografier

the private view

to bring on my hyper activeness keep me inside when it is nice out. to make it worse cut down on the amount of light there is during the day.

to finish hanging the show and clean up a bit, we were at the gallery at 10 i made every excuse to run errands - needed more tape, get bagels, cut these images at the photo shop - but what i really saw was the light travel across the sky.

as openings go it wasn’t bad as there weren’t as many platitudes as usual. quite a few people challenged me on what i was thinking and what the photographs “meant”. this could be due to the fact that i wasn’t showing paintings and the viewers weren’t quite sure. due to this i had my first crit in years. the relationship of the images in the triptychs, the constant debate on whether the images were desolate or not, trying to take the exhibition as a whole rather than individual snaps. it was determined that i was an isolated person and that all sharp objects should be kept from me.

all the conversation stemmed around what i constantly fear the problem with shows to be - or at least one that i cannot solve - less control. in the end the tables were turned a bit as went into my harangue that walking into the gallery they could see pretty much everything at once which takes away surprise or any sort of build-up. grabbed one of the books on display and stated that this is just the opposite, ideas take time to evolve as one - in this case - can see only one snap at a time, when the page is turned it is memory, one has to keep going through the specifics to get to the generalities, in an exhibition, one sees the generality -or the links - first then works one’s way down to the specific, in hanging the show i felt like capability brown where i had to make sure all the sight lines worked the way that i wanted them to. people can view work on walls without committing themselves to it.

i then had more wine and calmed down.

the pleasures and terrors of books manifested itself as three small books sold - portable art and souvenir - remember a.h. at goldsmiths’ saying paintings to show, drawings to sell, books are my drawings.

but then one person challenged bent on why they should by a photographer for 2000kr when they can have the book for 1500kr. the reason was that no one would buy the book as the price it really cost to make it with a reasonable mark-up. as it was an artist book, i wanted him to get the book but buying a photograph would be less problematic for me.

i am guessing neither will sell.

dinner in christiania at spiseloppen great vegetarian meal but once again had me wondering about this great free state when such a pricy restaurant could be there - i wondered who of the original founders of the state could afford to eat there and if one didn’t know the area one would think that all the graffiti and the steps up to the place was a great marketing design skill.

i also wondered if they served hash?

bent couldn’t understand why i had høner bejer instead of his red wine when the first evening i drank a great deal of it. he offered as it is his ritual, i drank it out of courtesy but wondered if he was trying to get me drunk. i been trying to drink the local beers but have stretched that a bit as the true local beer is tuborg - offices at the end of the street - so local micro-brews.
i also wondered if they served hash?

hellerup

(back to our regularly scheduled blogging)

if i were to function after the lubrication for the entry i would need some coffee. in truth i am not sure if it was the beers or the second hand smoke. luckily the hotel caters to the north american penchant for all you can eat breakfasts, i could think of no better way to soak up the tuborgs. soft boiled eggs, cereal, freshly baked loaf bread, i tend to stuff myself on the breads for breakfast - and gallons of coffee alternating with orange and apple juices.

it was moving out day and at nine first claus then bent showed, having eaten we were banned from the cafeteria even to sit so we had to sit in the waiting room so much open spaced stocked me after my cell upstairs.

naturally we headed out for coffee and and what made copenhagen so nice for morning photographic wanders made it hellish for the peckish. nothing was open. seems like there should be a law that when the last prostitute of the evening calls it a night the cafés should open. we passed good morning vietnam which we found ironic for unless they were on saigon time, they were horriblly misnamed. there was a tea shop with people queuing up awaiting its opening. we did the walk that i started the day with the day before this time with commentary as claus had lived in the neighbourhood before and left due to the needles in the courtyard etc. found this hard to believe now as i am sure that all those audi drivers would certainly complain from the risk of those needles puncturing their tyres.

finally found a café in vesterbro, more finally as it seems neither of them are used to walking with people who make snaps - bent later said that it is like walking your dog except he doesn’t pee all the time - as i would be doing my usual running to catch up. don’t know what the problem was as danish pavements aren’t really suitable for walking even two abreast with three one of us was being pushed into the bike lane.

coffee was ordered in danish but the again in english as the server had problems with the language - morganmad, brøt etc. i think that they were looking for a more traditional breakfast but this place had instead of great breads and pastries - there was one pathetic looking display of some brownish cake - they served pancakes.

 

in the machine over to claus’s place to pick up the snaps passing what looked like a real camera shop, thought i saw things that used film but the machine doors were locked and i couldn’t get out - before heading up the hellerup.

this was that clean upwardly mobile part of  greater denmark. at the end of the block from the gallery i could see the north sea and wanted to head down to see if i could catch a glimpse of sweden.

the day dedicated to the hanging of the show, images placed around the gallery, i did send a lot more than was needed which i had planned but in my fear of not having enough to edit sent quite a bit more than i had thought which made the editing a bit difficult as there images that i really wanted to but didn’t really fit. 

this also confirmed my feelings that i like books better, this should look nice but i was getting distracted, was glad there were window sills and and thought of what book would go together.

not soon after we arrived the gallery assistant came in and in the spirit of the country she was korean. while i edited she hung, bent went out for croissants and coffee.

i headed into a camera shop that had potential as finally the smell of smoke was being replaced with chemical odour. they must melt down the digital cameras though as there was nothing that hinted of film in the shop. thought that maybe they used the darkroom smell as a way calming older photographers the way one bakes bread when one sells a house.

broke for lunch eun-jin and bent a head as i am making snaps. we headed toward the sushi restaurant where we were greeted in english told the specials in english and just about everything else was in english. 

one of the servers seemed relieved after she asked bent so you’re danish right? in danish.

stopped to read the announcements in the press.

one of the pluses in the hanging process is seeing how others see your work. there was this to-ing and fro-ing about what was going on not so much - yet - in what should be shown but in who should do the editing. there was this idea that i had a clue when i really didn’t and that since i had personal information on the work that my hanging would be better. where i said that i like to see what others think when they come to it and that in sequencing nothing was fixed for as soon as i turn away and look at the arrangement again i’ll be wondering what i was thinking.

but underneath this i know that i have to sequence the work as it is seen as desolate. i should say that the black and white is seen that way the colour triptychs - they were quite sure. there is this that people-less means desolate even as i was trying to show that post boxes mean someone is expecting mail, doors open hint as someone being in etc. so the wall was choreographed to counter the feeling of desolation. 

the colour in their opinion were more like postcards, i cannot tell if they were looked at as triptychs or as three snaps on the same paper. i have a suspicion that they are seen that way due to their size 50x20 cm. if they were bigger? they do get a bit lost in the gallery which has a low ceiling. using the usual writing analogy i saw the triptychs as chapters/verses in a whole and thus had to be separate, some wondered why they couldn’t be placed end to end to make a continuous line. because the only place for run on sentences is here in the blog.

i can see why students can be frustrated as when people venture opinions without backup there is nothing to base that opinion on. here there was the hint of the idea of the desolate and sad which is not what i want at all. i also from “reading” a blurb in one of the papers - had to combat the idea of “american” photographers as the road trip was brought up again with the sad and desolate. i (hope that i) am addressing the fact that while underpopulated that there is a life happening here and that it goes on quite well despite the situations. wrote for one of my many attempts at the residency in gros morne  that the tragedy of newfoundland was that people saw it tragically. i don’t.

right now i have to fight this idea that a closed immaculately painted  band shell in ferryland isn’t sad but is awaiting summer as they want to hang it on a wall by itself to heighten the sadness. this couldn’t happen in a book.

i like the black and white equally and think they counter each other well but here the black and white is preferred to which one wall of colour was replaced by black and white. i am guessing that it is due to the black and white’s feeling of craft and thus hinting that the person making them isn’t just running off to the photofinishers. it is the reason that at the society for apathetic institutionalised creativity there is such a suspicion for chemical based work.

it was determined that we wouldn’t finish hanging to-day much to the consternation of eun-jin and that we would finish to-morrow before the opening. 

technical difficulties...

 in the meantime...

nørrebro og christiania

entries made possible by the free wifi - with a 50dkk tuborg at the jernbane caffeen the duke away from the duke.





during the wander yesterday, i noticed two things that would influence my snaps. the streets were crowded so everything i wanted to photograph either had people or thousands of cyclists - i now can deal with machines. i also noticed that most shops don’t open until ten or eleven so getting up early...

and i did, jet lag conquered i was up at eight. problem was the sun wasn’t.

there is this myth of the north that i subsribe to. my evil twin is heading to tobago in january and i cannot understand why. a minor cbc presenter headed to nain last month and i was jealous with rage. while i miss rio de janeiro greatly - i would only go now in winter (their winter - july) - as there is something about being north of the 45th at this time of year. one is aware of the weather but it doesn’t stop anything. well one thing. the sun - or rather light - didn’t bother to appear until some time after nine. it meant i got my free breakfast before heading out and there was no rush. but it diid mean that i had to live up to what i try to do on longer days no stopping to eat while there is light.

the plan was to hit the surreal aspect of the red light district in daylight then head over to nørrebro where supposedly there was a free wifi internet café. it was the usual method of working, walk to a corner, and choose the street where i couldn’t see everything on it. walk to next corner repeat action.

walking i noticed that there was this refusal to believe it was winter for while people were a bit bundled up - it was 0c - they were biking and the café not only didn’t take in their outdoor seating they left it as it people would be sitting in them come dinner - and there were a few. the minor theme of the day was the documentation of taverns.

it is odd how one can misjudge a city by the paths one takes, here am wandering about nørrebro and thinking that is by far the most multicultural city yet. a comfortable lived in city, along nørrebrosgade there were fruit and veg stands, wandering egedage, stopping to photograph a shop buddy comes out to chat - asian from bradford chirps up in english. i think what i am working on is nordic surrealist formalism.

i was expecting to find the streets boring and regular and the is - so far - none of that.


do people still buy film?
yes sure they do.

not finding the free wifi thought that i would head back to the hotel for more film and a wander over to christiania which i did three hours later as i kept finding streets with potential in the pedestrian area of the city - more post card shops and this strange fascination with irish pubs.

the fear of getting lost went as i realised that i had no destination in the first place. i also stopped rushing.


another rule made - no public transport during daylight as they take the same routes or are underground.

felt strange entering the free city christiania, it was like going to haight asbury to gawk. it didn’t make it easier when i saw that there were regular christiania tours and that photography wasn’t allowed along pusher avenue - which was a populated as times square. this was made clearly obvious by the signs with cameras with slashes through them on every building.

felt better when i left the centre. am not sure what i think, i like the idea and liked the places that were further in but it seems that the free city - that was described as a place of creative types. some of the places grew organically some took into account their environment but some now seemed like macmansions. confusion comes in when i wonder what i expected and when it goes too far. it seems that there is an awareness with the environment and a certain ruggedness but does that mean that everyone has to go back to nature. there are quite a few outhouses but also computers. there was a lot of street furniture which made making snaps quite easy but i am not sure that i like them any better than the more subtle oddities found in copenhagen.

it started to snow, but no matter, the light went headed back to the hotel wondering if i could use the digital for some photographs at night.

amkomst

so i am in a capital on the east coast of an island with a history of fishing and where they speak with a funny accent - how is this not st. johns?

the plan for the day was to get over the jet lag as soon as possible. the way that i accomplish this is to head to the hotel, dump my things then walk myself silly until i cannot stand any more than fall into a coma until the next day.

the flight was as good as it could be in seats made for someone half my size. but if i have to fly i like leaving the country as there are still the amenities that one is used to in fact more than i am used to as i had my choice of films - chose - breakfast at tiffany’s and manhatten.

i was lulled into a sense of security as i raced through customs and immigration - another nice thing about not being in the states paranoia is gone. this isn’t a culture of fear the “nothing to declare” option was an open door to the country.

problems started when the train wouldn’t take my bank card - but would take dollars (?). then i should really check the next time i pick a budget hotel. the room is the size of a closet -with the showers and toilets down the hall. it gets worse. i have to pay for wifi internet access.

i just assumed.

so in a mild panic i head back over to the station to ring the bank card company in the states. that problem solved - well not really - i then scope out the area to find a place with free internet access. but how do yo do this without the internet?

i wander in a daze for a bit than back to the station.

calm down a bit when i see a post office and post cards. i buy a dozen afterall isn’t this what people did before blogging. i notice other traits, people don’t have phones glued to their ears -although i have seen a few on the phone while biking. technology seems to know its place here as i pass cafés and see few people on a laptop, while there is a internet station at the station only a few people use it.

i reckon it is too dark for ziquinho so i take out the digital and wander the streets in vesterbro. it is great to be out of the midwestern grid as coming to a corner means a real decision, streets curve, they are at angles, one could readily get lost.

i am also glad that the fear i had entering the station proper isn’t holding up. the first thing i saw was a macdonald’s, at the airport there was a starbucks and leaving the station, vesterbro at least is mostly local well except for the hotels and the 7 eleven. a zig zag trying not to walk on the main streets until dark. when i thought that i would dine and being in denmark i chose indus - an indian restaurant not far from the hotel.

strangest thing during the evening wander. it seemed that on just about corner along istegade there was a lone woman saying something to the men passing. i couldn’t tell what it was being half deaf and they being so far the only ones actually speaking danish. then i twigged. passing the sex shops, the costume shops, the “toy” stores, they were that added accessory. the hotel is in the red light district.

why keno taxi company sucks

strange having a late flight, i am usually still on my way at this time but i have usually been travelling for what seems for days after the sun sets.

to-day made it a leisurely one. a couple of letters of recommendation, a blog entry, the laundry, headed over to the post office then to best buy for an adaptor, was so confident that took joãozão out for a bit. needing a taxi i rang keno at about 1pm booking a taxi to pick me up so that i can get to the coach. they confirm picking me up at 17:45 i give them directions as it is hard to navigate the culs-de-sac down in peasant’s pissoir.

all the bags are at the back door, everything is closed - jo˜aozão was packed with ziquinho as he takes up so little space then left as i would be spending time second myself and loaded down when i went out wandering. i head by the front door keys in it and stand watch for a machine slowly crawling down the street trying to find the address.

i see a machine stop two houses up stay a bit then as i go out to see if it is the taxi, it drives off.

17:45 - thank you for calling keno taxi...........we need your business and want to spend 2009 with you can you hold?
...
...
...
...
...
-keno taxi.
-yeah you told me that a taxi would be here at 17:40 to take me to the brat stop and he is not here yet.

-he’s on his way.

17:55 -thank you for calling keno taxi...........we need your business and want to spend 2009 with you can you hold?

...
...
...
...
...
...
i am cut off

18:00-thank you for calling keno taxi...........we need your business and want to spend 2009 with you can you hold?
...
...
...
...
keno taxi.
you said that the taxi is on its way, it has yet to come
he’s coming
you said he’d be here at 5:40.
he’s on his way what do you want me to do?
who pays for the missed flight?
i’ll see where he is
wilson road
where’s wilson road? i gave directions to the person this afternoon.
you didn’t talk to me i am only the dispatcher.
but someone there promised a taxi.
what do you want me to do? he’s on his way and she hangs up.

18:10. i lock the front door, go to the garage and drive to the brat stop hoping that carol can take a taxi - not keno - to the machine before the people there notice it.

arrive with five minutes to spare, leave a message on the phone for carol recounting the ordeal and where the machine is and not to use keno. buddy’s ears perk up.

he’s been waiting for keno to pick him up from the coach stop for more than an hour now.

madison wander

warm days are usually grey, overcast and supposedly depressing making it difficult to make the effort to head out and make snaps. the low sun of clear, cloudless days in the winter is quite a shock when i venture out as they are the coldest. the light though is worth the initial shock - shadows so defined that they seem concrete, space is confused, objects penetrated. embracing the upper midwest - even though i feel things north should be above the 45th parallel – with the same gusto as those snow birds brag about constant sun and 40C days, and now that i realise that the snow adds patterns to the bottom of the snap in ways that cleared asphalt and grass don’t, an outing to madison to wander neighbourhoods.

feeling a bit of a loss, as the warm-up over the weekend here had melted most of the snow which usually happens when i come to terms with a different landscape it changes. for once getting there took precedence over going as we took the interstate rather than the back roads even though they are more interesting with their drifted spots, and ice patches.

thriftiness slows down what progress was made as a free extended parking spot is searched out and the usual spots, those out by the lakes, are taken by people out ice- fishing. am reminded that territory is extended with a few days below freezing.

choose the messiest neighbourhoods, downtown and the isthmus for the possibilities. more snow but in these areas, winter seems a minor inconvenience as there are still upholstered chesterfields on the porches, bikes locked on the steps, oars propped against the railings and empty beer cans on tables. christmas decorations are thrown into the mix.

madison here seems more southern than northern as life is out front of the house not hidden in the back yard. it seems, though, that winter walking paces differ. i slow my pace, allow the street furniture align itself as i pass while those less thrilled with the season see walking as a way to get someplace. gawking is more problematic. somewhat prepared i have ubaldo out and ready as i know that if i stop or even slow my pace, i’ll be a block behind.

still am habituating to the season as i forget that the low sun means less daylight. starting late and a snack means less sun time – have to remember to curtail peckishness until after dark – barely a roll used before before my shadow gets in the way.

so in less than two hours, a taxi will take me to the brat stop so that i can take the airport coach to o’hare terminal five to catch a 20:10 flight to copenhagen and i am still not sure what to pack.

clothes aren’t the problem i am trying to make choices on which of the lads will head out with me and in trying to determine i cycle through different phases.

the romantic: take the leiquinhas and marl the streets of copenhagen and hellerup invisible and unencumbered. i could pack both with little space problems and go black and white and colour after all i keep reminding others - and myself – that i am a note-taker what more do i need. but i am not all that comfortable or patient with 35mm and it is more the idea than actual fact. nothing that i photograph really needs me to be invisible nor moves all that much. besides what if i go rural, edge city?

the comfortable: joãozão quality paper back size, decent neg size, compacts to make it immensely portable. but it is on life support tends to “act up” in winter – not that it is really winter there. it seems that the capital hovers around zero c so it seems like a winter theme park. nevertheless it is a long way to go for an equipment malfunction. we did some exercises yesterday as joãozão is still the favourite camera – fulton market in chicago and to-day along i-94 and carol beach to document the no wet back sign again. took it like a trouper but time in the elements were minimal.

slave to blogs: the digital slr and ziquinho. hate the digital slr as it is bigger than it has to be due to the perceived need that one needs a zoom lens. the camera isn’t compact but due to the instant gratification factor of the world images of the opening have to be seen as they occur. there is the idea of 35mm and one hour photofinishing with a cd but this seems to much like a newspaper and real deadlines.

i don’t know when – although i could check – actually i do know when – i felt it necessary to include an image or two with an entry here but now it seems i am basing my choices on false expectations. i could take a compact digital – quite a few snaps in the show were done with one – but i am now aware of the incredible failure factor – low iso, time delay, camera shake etc. and while it is only marginally better with the dslr two of the problems have been rectified. if i were really brave i would leave it behind.

ziquinho – most reliable, the camera i can use without too much disruption between me and it. not really compact but bad and smaller than the dslr. it has been chosen.

right now the timid in me has packed ziquinho and the dslr – already i hate the way my bag feels - with the plan of leaving the dslr behind when i am out and about.

festejando iemanjá
lake michigan

michigan avenue mosey

the first time i headed to the south side it was with a friend from beloit whose sister lived in kenwood - wherever that was. remember getting down from the greyhound and taking the number 1 bus down passing my uncle’s house but also empty lots, vacant and boarded shops and bars on any window where someone lived. when we walked into kenwood, i said that when the next riots come people won’t have to go far. down the block from l’s house lived elijah mohammed, mohammed ali and now supposedly barack obama. it was the first time i encountered burglar alarms.

i remember getting down from the el at tech 35 heading up to teach in the i.d. and being told that the glass in the windows overlooking the robert taylor homes were bullet proof waist level down. i found this a pity as the south side always seemed more interesting than the north when i would venture down and then there was hyde park.

i did walk across 87th street - state street to the lake in 2000.

so when i said that i would meet someone at the southside community arts centre. i thought of walking. walking for many reasons. while winter isn’t bad it is convincing myself of that. when people say how horrible it is and seem to be one step removed from hypothermia. the morning walk from the train to the world’s third greatest art school wasn’t promising, my fingers were yellow from the cold the bald spot, stinging. i also hadn’t been on a wander for sometime.

it was a wander of curiosity and arrow straight, i was heading down michigan avenue not deviating from the street 38 blocks. curiosity as looking south now one can see the new utopiaville being built between the green line and the lake. while west of the loop there are tall buildings here it seems that chicago is trying to imitate hong kong with the highrises.

chicago is always trying to imitate something - what originality the city had is no longer apparent. i was looking for the transition from the brave new city into the old black one. it was further south than i thought, chess records is now surrounded by urban pioneers in fake loft like buildings. the chicago defender building boarded up awaiting the defender lofts. odd how these new living areas in the city feel like suburbs, no one out, no shops with anything useful to the neighbourhood - unless everyone is over 20 stone and need their nails done. everything is so regular and regulated that if one came across something by chance one would suspect that it was placed there for that effect.

my search for the local didn’t happen, crossing the stevenson while it was definitely more tawdry, there was now a buffer of mercy hospital, a car dealership and the i.d. what few people i met greeted me. it was only when i passed 35th that remnants of the old southside tried to appear - a store front church, mansions alternating with vacant lots but then there was the dunkin’ donuts. one last outing with the leiquinha as the term is over i can head back to the usual suspects. not a good one to end on as snaps were forced. made more poking around the art centre than on the walk.

history by default

thought that the scars had healed enough to finally work on some negs from the now more distant past. the negs were from the overreaching project run by a person so incompetent and self loathing that he could have a promising career as a minor dean in institution of higher education. i would have made nice income as one of the official staff but i couldn’t take the rampant stupidity of the person running it. the great plans for this archive ended up moulding in a basement of a college somewhere in the area.

i was pursuing what has and still interests me borders - as everything had to be done within the city limits,i was heading to where chicago stopped - and long walks of wonder.

it was on one wonder chosen in my usual illogical way - a walk across 87th street in chicago from the dan ryan east to the lake. it was a street i had never been down in an area where most would supposedly feel nervous - don’t know why except that it is on the south side.

it was february.

in trying to be systematic, and actually finish a project, was going through the sheets one by one when i came across this.

another reason why film trumps digital.
the image is not interesting at all, the only reason it was kept as it is attached to other negs and to cut it out would be more trouble than it is worth. if it were a digital file from someone who has been trained on a digital camera i wonder if it wouldn’t have been deleted soon after the image was taken. history wouldn’t have been allowed to build up around the image.

i didn’t know who obama was and while the neg beside this one had another political poster - and there were quite a few placards for politicos in the series, don’t even know if i made the snap due to that or if i was feeling particularly atget that day and wanted the penetrating light and needed something in the foreground.

now though there is this time based ping pong - what i know now what i saw but didn’t know then. the peripheral coming to the forefront. ironically this is one of the things photography because of its ease does so well - although fewer and fewer people with artistic pretensions for the medium actually deal with it - as at one time remnants were kept because it was easier than discarding them. now photography being made even more user friendly, the documenting of history by default is being obliterated by the wee trash can ikon on every camera.

is this the downward slope to being a real artist?

my 35mm paradox

with my want for slow photography i go for the usual suspects – exceedingly large camera, alternative usually iron based processes and the hope for sun. it works. there is slowing down at every part of the process which implies time to think and with the degree of difficulty a better chance of editing – is this neg really worth the time i will have to devote to it.

oddly though the slowest time for me is 35mm. while wandering the streets and note taking everything works smoothly, i experiment, don’t fear the blur, almost question nothing. development is also more straight forward as i don’t go for the overly toxic versions – choosing hc-110 to pmk pyro.

things screech to a halt when i head to the darkroom. with images from the hernia inducing cameras as well as the medium formats i head down and blissfully print with little problems. it is slow – tests, develop – repeat until satisfied – but steady.

the 35mm hand camera slowness is due not to the above but to dust, water spots etc. when working in the large formats it seems i that can drop and trample on the film and still print with little problems – admittedly with the hernia inducing cameras it is more due to the iron based processes than the cleanliness of the film but even they are more defect free.

with 35mm i get as close to a clean room mentality as is possible when i am processing – good wash – precise photoflo measurements , squeegee with webril pads – and still they look as if they were developed using water from the late lamented bubble of st. john’s harbour.

it has nothing to do with the relative size of the formats as looking at the films there is more gunk on the base of the 35mm film.

i am guessing that this is yet another reason why i have trouble with 35mm. not only are there too many images for me to edit at one time – i have the same problem with digital files thus the reason for the lack of images from this past summer’s version of clarke’s beach, i cannot break them down into manageable sections – but once chosen the amount of time needed to prepare them for enlarging. it causes an extreme version of editing – choosing nothing. the 15 week experiment with 35 is coming to an end i wonder if i’ll actually do anything with them or will they be archived until some date in the future which will turn into never.

headed out to give some of the snaps i made - buddy at clark and congress and the people at graziano’s. the first image i was pretty proud of the second not so much. when making the snap i had the lens that places an aura around people when photographing contre-jour on the leiquinha. i made an inkjet print to prove that i did make something but went to photograph him again.

even though i combed the area, buddy at clark and congress wasn’t there, a wander over to randolph street the long way as i thought i would also get culture. photographed some movers, made some other snaps and confirmed that there is no reason for a gallery like flatfile to exist outside of a tourist resort.

headed to pick up my sandwich and hand over the snap and pick up my veggie hoagie. was recognised and was asked to make snaps of the people making my sandwich, then handed in the snap to what i guessed was the owner of the shop, apologising for the quality and if buddy were there offered to make another.

buddy comes in loving it and wants a photograph of him with his father. take out the digital not wanting to have another disaster and so that can show them immediately what happened. made two as the sony has this quirk where the lens hood casts a giant shadow over the bottom third of the snap. made another without flash as i wanted more of an atmosphere. the father said that the son did everything, we chatted about parmesan cheese - like eating it straight - so we had a cheese tasting. got the sandwich and said i’d be back with the snaps.

there is a reason that i hate digital cameras - all digital cameras. i assume things from dealing with film that aren’t the case with digital. with film there would have been enough light to make the snap in the shop digitally it sounded fine but i forgot that it defaults to iso100. the atmospheric image was blurred. i cannot see the screen without spectacles so i use it for composition not for piddly bits. while the snaps of the people making the sandwiches were fine, the two of buddy and his father were flawed.
so i head back over first chance i get - a rainy chilly day - to give them the decent snaps and to show them what had happened and to offer to do it again. wondered how digital slrs work in the wet. arriving, the shop is closed due to a death in the family. try to squeeze the snaps under the door but no luck will have to head back. finally during the excessively long lunch period, i mosey over to the shop - like mosey and am upset that william least heat-moon used it first.

the son sees me coming up the street and greets me, inside the preparers ask about their snaps. i express my condolences for the death. as i am ready to hand him the photographs, he says that it was his father. hesitate a moment then hand him the image. he’s grateful, i feel sheepish as all i worried about was the quality he is only concerned about the memories, i still apologise. he thanks me and asks me if i need anything say no as i have to head back as i plan to photoshop the dark lens shade shadow out of the other image.

boyceville

i don’t think twice about spending months in villages of 100 people a good hour from the main road. wandering about i want to stop and spend some time along the port au port peninsula where while the population isn’t quite as sparse, the main city is a good two hours away. heading up to boyceville - well five miles outside of boyceville fills me with dread.

i try to understand this irrationality but cannot. i think it has to do with smaller places on the rock are more self sufficient but boyceville is that typical small town in the states - not far from a larger city - menomonie - made famous by as it happens turning it into the u.s. version of reading - but deemed worthy of a city by having a wal-mart. in boyceville one has the choice of cable-less television from eau claire and st. paul / minneapolis - only 90 minutes away.

it would seem that this would trump - deer lake corner brook but no. i am drawn to minnesota’s north shore. i want to drive and stay in dawson city so while i like being at the end of a road, there are places isolated places that are on the way to someplace else. i can only place this dread of this particularly empty space as there being no compensation for it. places that i seem to be interested in are due to actually seeing people out and about. what is lacking in amenities is made up with human interaction boyceville seems a ghost town.

there were signs that there were people about - a chair outside an open door of a factory - the designated smoking area - machines outside the gas bar, real people outside a church having their wedding portraits taken - but i imagined them racing back inside as soon as possible. five miles outside of town it was bleaker - a minor film still like moment as at the intersection of two dirt roads as a pickup stops to chat with someone walking a dog. a lone cyclist passes.

at times i worry that being the imperialist photographer that i am, i seem to need a lot of space and am interested in how little area i would need before i would feel that there was nothing left to photograph. i once i worried about the island of newfoundland as it could be too small now i have lessened my land grab to say bell island. but here with infinite space i found myself feeling more limited, more trapped. i felt that this had to do with the dependence on a machine to get about but i had one.

i can only go back to lifestyle. i attribute my lack of interest of the boycevilles of the world due to it being an interior world - a life based around being in the house. when the world outside is mentioned there is a danger involved - the badger sets along the driveway and a neighbour being chased by one, the chance of encountering bear - one goes out when absolutely necessary. so even on an abnormally and exceedingly warm november day most didn’t leave the living room. i paced the long driveway.

one upped by a painter

on the 4:13 back up to peasants pissoir while trying to make a dent in the backlog grantas to be read - the economic downturn has fewer people reading and discarding their new york times on their ride home - amidst the lasalle street types and the kenoshans calling it a day, an i-podded art student is working away two seats from me on the upper deck.

at highland park he leans across the breach and hands buddy on the other side the sheet of paper he was working on. buddy - whom i recognise as he gets down in winthrop harbour - seems puzzled not knowing what to do with it.

-you can have it - the art student says. it seems that it is a drawing of buddy.
-i am going to throw it away if you don’t want. buddy stares at it a bit and tries to find a way of not folding the paper as the student packs to leave the train.

obamarama day

on obamarama day, it being a nice sunny oddly sultry day for november, packed joãozão and ziquinho into the machine and headed out. i had spent one globally warmed november day trapped making slides and i knew if i didn’t take advantage of this one...well actually nothing would have happened as i tend toward days around 10c for wandering. i had to break what was becoming a pattern of not bothering to head out for perceived lack of time.

i was going to head along route 16 to route 19 to find this old amusement park before heading into madison having a coffee out in the back garden of zoma either before or after i headed over to the big o’s place standing out and staring until he showed his face. didn’t want to take an interstate as i needed to get back into the habit of stopping, and i seemed to remember the towns along the way being somewhat interesting.

windows down, blugrass from wort alexander cockburn saying that if one were really brave a madisonian would put out a palin sign.

a bit of a culture shock, i catch myself nodding to people as i pass, but forgetting that this is rural wisconsin, find that people do stop to talk and aren’t filled with the paranoia across the state line in illinois. i also forget that i cannot simply park anywhere as i pull off the road into a carpark that once out of the machine and across i notice parking only with permit sign. stopped in waterloo to wander the town - empty except for a few voters,

-where is everybody?
-out at the outlet mall in johnson creek.

watched the obama signs increase as i neared dane county

stopped outside marshall for the amusement park thinking that i’ll be chased off the grounds but no ask if i can have a look and buddy shrugs as he goes back to fixing his ride.

closed for the season but just closed i wander by rides that i thought has disappeared decades ago as they simply weren’t big or scary enough to-day - a wooden racer dip, bumper boats, go cart track.

not racing but it still being early wonder if i can push the outing. why stop at madison, there are sights to be seen farther afield, i was curious about the dells, baraboo, but while i knew that getting there wouldn’t be a problem leaving would be as there would be just one more thing to photograph.

settled on the free ferry across lake wisconsin a lame attempt to recreate the crossing during the navegatio. more back roads with the windows down but now there were curves and hills more towns but now smaller and less self sufficient

pulled up as the ferry was leaving parked and waited watching to see if the cable tensioned al all, some snaps of the closed concession and seeing the park, decided to be a foot passenger.

i am sure in summer this is quite aggravating as the ferry is part of the state route system and while the crossing is maybe 10 minutes there is only one boat. now though it was simply an extension of the slow roads that i was on. six cars a motorcycling couple and me boarded after one car and six bicyclists disembarked.
spent two ferry crossings photographing merrimac mixing objects and cheesy formalism people in the bar at the crossroads craning their necks to see what i was interested in before taking the slow diagonal route back to the outskirts of madison and a race down I-90 hoping that i would still be light along the rock - walworth county frontier where the land the once again flat the roads straight and you and can hear the air.

i have been a bit frustrated with my plans for the time when i wasn’t seeing grad students on friday, i was to pick an area of chicago and wander - something that i did with ease when i wasn’t doing it as a project - but haven’t been able to bunch the therapy sessions so that i have chunk of time where i can explore.

i do like carrying the leiquinhas as the cameras du jour when i do go a wandering. in fact i have been making it a point of having it on me when i pass through the homeland security wgas style and enter the wide world - even if i am only in transit between the ivory towered buildings. not only are they carried but visible and at the ready - which draws a lot of stares for while photography is talked about a great deal actual picture making is rare.

as a result when i conjecture about a potential picture i actually see if i am correct or not. i not only wonder but also experiment. this brings back the time when i had to walk between wgas and uic at lunch where i would try to take a different path. i am starting to notice light, patterning, surreal juxtapositions and as i don’t take it seriously, i don’t hesitate to let the film fly. i have even stopped on the way to wgas immigration/passport control put down the courier bag, dug out the leiquinha and made snaps.

the hardest part of this has been when i do head out on “official” rambling where i would normally carry joãozão for the detail and to feel like a real photographer. this is the reason why i only bring the leiquinhas as it is either one of them or nothing. while i haven’t been able to make it to say albany park or beverly,there have been walks to the west loop for lunch and trying to find some galleries, has produced not only snaps but again snaps of people - movers who have dared me to make a snap, the person who made my sandwich at graziano where i have photographed everyone there and been given samples of cheese. returning for another sandwich means i leave another snap. even in the loop i am prone to taking long ways to destinations, linger at corners, and walk on the side of the street where the sun penetrates windows.

it is still difficult for me to look at the results of 35mm film - so many images and they are so small on proof sheets. i, now, don’t worry about the image quality falling apart as i have lost interest in making large snaps and find engagement with my surroundings much more interesting.