because the only thing missing is control

we head out to madison even though it is st. patrick’s day, as carol has to ger her licence renewed and only madison has an office open on saturday. it is also an excuse. run into danny miller coming out of soleil. a shock of lives converging. a nice day warm enough to walk around. i buy a massey hall cd by neil young – rarely buy cds as i am hooked on the wireless. buy food - stock up on cheese - at williamson street co-op then wander some more.

i am so assured of myself i buy a book – lisa moore’s alligator fattening my canlit shelf. i reckon that since i am only one number behind on the grantas i should be ok.

pushing my luck, we head to milwaukee that sunday. the excuse is to see the francis bacon exhibit at the museum – finally a museum that wastes more space than the rooms, the mam has vast corridors of emptiness. hit the bookshop where they have all these books on remainder.

i have a mastercard. buy three. one book – niagara by alec soth – has no price so they cannot sell it. but $200 later we leave for the real reason for the outing, walking the neighbourhood between oakland and the river, north avenue to uwm.

took ubaldo but for some reason the first camera out of my bag was the leiquinha. the light seemed correct and i had thought about bringing out ubaldo but while i tend to strol and gawk carol has a walk of death –aerobic strolling, if i dare to change cameras she’s out of sight.

didn’t matter i could always return again, this would make me focus the air was clear enough as it was just cool enough to make the air crisp - it was a struggle to go as it was a perfect sky for printing platinotypes.

almost a roll later we are having spicy chais at alterra before heading back.

i am in control.

this was a culmination of feeling in control as i wasn’t trying to over achieve.

instead of trying to make five prints in a day, i was satisfied with one. one neg was a struggle but stuck to it. the printing was going slower than i had anticipated but i wasn’t panicking.

when we arrive back in peasants pissoir there is a message on the ansaphone saying that they found the price of the book and would hold it for five days.

who was i kidding.

headed back up to the museum to by the book with the same cast – ubaldo and the leiquinha. i wanted to photograph the jesus statue shop in national avenue, who cares if there is buddy trying to catch a bus blocking the view if he insists in staying there he will be part of the surrealism. park in the third ward and make more snaps under the bridge – wondering if they would consider this a security risk.

buy the book and coffee at alterra – double stamp day and headed back knowing that i could slow down and make snaps along the frontage roads. there was a self serve hay stand, and the christmas shop with a forlorn santa claus.

i actually stopped then stopped again when i saw a gasbar, stopped again finding blue pipes on where the old porn shops used to be between routes 165 and county c.

made some colour snaps to end the roll. went past 36 but didn’t burn the film there were things around the house i could photograph.

37, 38, 39 check the rewind knob and it looks like it is moving, give it one jerk and…

i had loaded the film incorrectly

digital 1 x film 0.

i try to remember what i made snaps of so that i can repeat them.

everything came apart.

i bid on a minolta cle at ebay thinking that my bid was too low and wouldn’t get it, won. the camera was some sick fantasy of duplicating the leiquinha – this is another sickness i duplicate everything – to fulfil the needs of the next time i am in niterói i can wander with 35mm both black and white and colour.

i do have this project in which i want to work on there. my almost other life but i fall victim to all the hype and from this distance fear going with big cameras – although i did before and only felt threatened by the security guards who were suspicious. the leiquinhas look like point and shoots who cares that i have trouble dealing with 35mm. that i have boxes of unseen 35mm negs – i call it the winogrand triangle.

well, now, i do as i now have a camera i didn’t expect to win in a format that while i think that i should be able to use cannot see it as proper format. it appears that i cannot even load them!

my want to use it is based on logic, i wander, i want things portable, i don’t make big snaps, 35mm is the perfect format. besides i have to replace joãozão. i am doing more colour, they are great for postcards – colour and 35mm that is - i simply scan and print, i can push one out in no time.

nothing i do, however, is based on logic. wasn’t it the last post where i was risking hernias due camera choice to the klondike? 35mm is superfluous on the rock – except for snaps.

i then also realised that with my subscription of the new yorker, the book bought will sit on the shelf for some time.

and i have overspent my budget until the end of the next billing period.

puxa vida